Love's Great Ocean by Jane O'Shea
My heart melts and forms a wee puddle, where I am safe to splash, and sing, and play.
My heart thaws and fills a bath, where I am cocooned and I soak and rest and hum.
Yesterday, I celebrated my 53rd birthday. 
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. I love you.
Yet something needed to happen on this day that was different. I asked myself, "How can I share my birthday with others this time around?"
The answer came: "Buy 53 chocolate hearts at the BYU candy station and just give them to people on campus."
I thought that would be a good idea. But just as quickly my voice of Protection started to remind me of how scary it is to step outside my comfort zone and maybe people would not like the idea.
Luckily, I just read earlier this week about Internal Family System and I thought I would try and name what voice was speaking (my Protector) and offer thanks to this voice for all it does to protect me. I acknowledged it will need to protect at times in the future but that just for today I was offering this voice the opportunity to rest and watch me take care of myself and see how it would go for me.
I guess that was enough for that protective voice. I bought 57 Hersey's Peanut Butter Hearts. I poured the candy into my BYU plastic shopping bag and began my adventure.
I started about 9 am and finished with my 53rd heart at 6:10pm as I was leaving campus for the night.
People were very gracious and I received 53 happy birthday wishes in return. One young lady from Asia wasn't sure about the candy and I thought maybe she was going to cry but I asked her to share in my happiness and she accepted.
I was nervous at first to just go up to people and say I wanted to share my birthday with them and to offer chocolate. Everyone loves chocolate.
The side effects are still with me. I feel a type of love today for the world, and for myself. My compassion and desire to share the effects of offering self-compassion with myself and seeing how my heart is opening and melting are wonderful and hesitating. Yes, I will fall at some point. Probably when my inlaws are back at my home or some other event that triggers some deep pain and hurt within...but then again maybe I will grow some more in the capacity to accept myself and love not just me but the voices developed in childhood, used to protect myself from the pains of not receiving the love and noticing I so desperately needed and wanted but for one reason or another could not receive.
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